The Story behind the Salt

Top monster researchers have discovered that many Monsters prefer to season their foods with salts made from human tears. As we all know, our tears have a salty taste and this new finding reveals that monsters are able to collect the salt in our tears using similar crystallisation processes to our own traditional sea salt harvesting.*

Research is ongoing and the precise reason for the use of tear salt is yet to be determined, however it is believed that monsters with sensitive palates are able to distinguish and enjoy the flavours of different types of tears. For example salt made from tears shed while sneezing offer a surprising peppery taste and salt from tears of anger, shed during a tantrum, has a fiery hot, chilli flavour.

Some researchers are even suggesting that the monsters are able to feel the emotion that caused the tears. For example the bluey-purple flakes harvested from tears of sorrow help the monsters to experience sadness, and the fuming, smoky tang of angry tear salt creates a pleasurable flare of fury that many monsters enjoy.

This new product is also of interest to humans, adding smoky, lavender or spiced notes to recipes for those not entirely au fait with monster cuisine. As well as improving everyday dishes, the salts also support Ministry of Stories to inspire a nation of storytellers, through a writing centre offering free writing and mentoring workshops for young people aged 8-18 in east London.

* The salt range is, in truth, not harvested from human tears but from Halen Môn’s finest sea salt in Brynsiencyn on the Isle of Anglesey, Wales. It joins other delights at the Monster Supplies Shop including fang floss, impacted ear wax and tins of escalating panic.

Salt Made From Tears, Hoxton Street Monster Supplies

with Ministry of Stories and salt producer Halen Môn
Graphic design by We Made This (2012)

The Ministry of Stories was founded by Nick Hornby and co-directors Lucy Macnab and Ben Payne in 2010. Hidden away at the back of Hoxton Street Monster Supplies (where else would you expect it?), the MoS provides a creative writing and mentoring centre for young people aged 8-18 living in east London and aims to inspire a nation of storytellers.

Volunteers, or Story Ministers, range from writers to artists to teachers and give their time and talent to run workshops and one-to-one mentoring. We first crossed paths with Lucy from MoS when Studio Weave was invited to talk alongside her and other creative practitioners at the 2011 Narrative in Practice Design Symposium and it was then that we decided we must work on a new product together!

Salt Made From Tears of Sorrow: this delectable salt, made from tears of abject sorrow, is collected only at moments of complete misery. With its delicate lavender flavour, it’s the perfect seasoning for limbs and organs.

Salt Made From Tears Shed While Sneezing: this salt is made from tears produced by sneezing and, unusually for salt, has a palpably peppery flavour. Goes splendidly well with our Thickest Human Snot.

Salt Made From Tears Shed While Chopping Onions: this everyday salt is made from tears that fell while onions were chopped, and unsurprisingly has a pleasingly strong onion flavour. An absolute essential on every monster’s table.

Salt Made From Tears of Laughter: this exquisite salt has a fiendishly spicy flavour, and is by far the safest way to experience the peculiar pleasure of human laughter. Collected only from sincerely amused humans, it is one of our rarest salts.       

Salt Made From Tears of Anger: this robust salt is made from tears that sprang forth during explosions of anger. With a rich and smoky flavour, it can help to induce fit of uncontrolled rage, as normally experienced only by Ogres and Trolls.

You can purchase the range in store or online here.